Chapter 201, Ghost (3)

Translator: Hedge

Editor: Lizzz

 

[Father. I had tried hard not to think about him…]

 

[On days when thoughts inevitably came, I treated them like calluses. I considered them wounds that would harden further after enduring the pain.]

 

[Though I had lost much because of him, I had also gained much in return. Since I was living like this with what I had gained, I thought that was enough. I decided to think that way and lived accordingly. I did not want to think differently, did not try to, and could not. Even after learning that snake-like bastard was alive somewhere in this land, breathing once more, I tried hard not to concern myself with that either.]

 

[When I congratulated his coronation in advance, I thought he would soon stop breathing anyway. That whether he summoned a healer from Tansyll or not, even if I did not intervene in the matter, his condition would worsen. That was how it had been in the ‘past.’]

 

[But. Had I truly not known? Or had I simply wanted not to know? That in the past, it wasn’t the case]

 

Arianneu had said only that.

 

Truly regrettably, Kalian understood those words. Without needing to ask more, without needing to think, he understood it immediately.

 

A water droplet rolled down the teacup and fell.

 

Staring blankly at it.

 

*…Urgh!*

 

Nausea came.

 

Whether what needed to be expelled was anger, curses, memories, lingering attachment, self-reproach, or regret, Kalian could not tell, nor could he truly distinguish between all these things. But he could not suppress what was rising up, so nausea came.

 

Just as Chase had protected Bern by pretending not to see the shadow of the kingdom, perhaps Bern had respected Chase by deliberately trying not to notice Chase’s darkness. If not, how could he have understood those words immediately?

 

So had Bern truly not known? Or had he desperately wanted not to know?

 

— His Highness, the Crown Prince absolutely refused to say anything, and I had no intention of interfering either, but the situation became somewhat peculiar, so I felt I should tell you. I’m sorry for arbitrarily setting my own standards.

 

As if anticipating that this was not something to accept lightly, after a considerable time passed, Arianneu said these words. That she had informed Kalian on her own accord about something she and Chase had intended to keep buried as a secret, though she did not know what circumstances had arisen.

 

— Has something else happened to Chase?

 

Hearing this, Kalian barely managed to feign composure as he asked.

 

If something unfortunate had happened to Chase, Taillan would not have continued staying at Arianneu’s house, but he could not help his anxious heart.

 

— No. Nothing has happened yet. He’s in his office, sleeping. I put him to sleep because I wanted to talk with you.

 

Hearing this, Kalian covered his face with his hand.

 

Even as his head seemed to spin, a hollow laugh escaped. A muttering that would not be transmitted through the ring flowed out.

 

[Ah, she put him to sleep again…]

 

Kalian did not sleep when he had things to think about, and Chase could not sleep when he had things to think about. Thanks to this, Chase lived with insomnia as a habit. Unable to bear watching this, Arianneu had zealously worked to put Chase to sleep regularly.

 

The problem was that among the Magic Arianneu could use, there was no ‘Sleep’ Spell.

 

— Please don’t do that too often. It’s not good if sleeping pills become a habit.

 

— Ah. Did I do that in the past too? Don’t worry. I’m going to live long and healthily with His Highness.

 

It was the exact same answer as what she gave a long time ago.

 

Suddenly, Kalian remembered the day he came to the room carried on Kyrie’s back. The day he talked about how he had spent many drinks with Kyrie, and therefore Kyrie had to carry Bern down from the tower each time.

 

Those days when he had fallen asleep, forgetting the boundary between reality and the past.

 

Feeling exactly like that day, Kalian fixed his gaze on the ice-cold mint tea Ian had worked hard to make. To avoid looking at anything else, he focused his eyes only on the mint leaves floating and swaying on the tea.

 

He tried not to confuse the past with the present.

 

Truly regrettably.

 

— Anyway, I need to finish talking before His Highness wakes up, so to continue. Earlier you asked me why I would tolerate a civil war, but you misunderstood.

 

As if reading Kalian’s thoughts, Arianneu brought up the conversation they had been having originally.

 

— His Highness sent Taillan to me merely to protect my mother and my family, not to cross swords with His Majesty. His Highness can protect himself sufficiently, and since I cannot, I simply accepted Taillan’s protection with no other meaning. We’re not gathering troops either. More importantly, I plan to make just one person give up cleanly without any other bloodshed.

 

In short, to make Debeullan give up his own life.

 

Without anyone else dying, she would do only that one thing.

 

— I don’t know whether His Majesty in the ‘past’ was worse or better than now, but the current His Majesty is a complete bastard. Honestly, if His Highness pushes His Majesty aside, the Nobles would be pleased rather than rebel. There are quite a few Nobles hoping for that.

 

It meant that Chase and Arianneu were not thinking of starting a civil war, and also that the Nobles would not start a civil war if Chase inherited the throne.

 

— Please continue explaining. I’m listening.

 

— His Majesty doesn’t know that we know about his illness. His Majesty doesn’t know that we know he’s summoning a healer from Tansyll. I merely said that the assailant who attacked me and fled had the Tansyll healer’s necklace, and mother was angered by that and is blocking the entry of Tansyll people into Secritia more strongly. We’ve never directly confronted His Majesty. So, His Majesty cannot recklessly send troops either.

 

Kalian let out a bitter laugh.

 

They had created a plausible justification.

 

Even if it was an extremely personal reason, Marquis Lyn had sufficient justification to change her attitude toward Tansyll more firmly. After all, her daughter had ‘nearly been in danger’, no one could suspect the true intention of a mother with the power to fundamentally prevent such incidents from responding somewhat excessively.

 

— I won’t use His Highness’ sword. His Highness seems to think it doesn’t matter either way, but it matters to me. In any case, you’re not here right now, and yet doing the same thing as the past would mean His Highness is taking the crown without proper justification to convince himself.

 

In the past, they would have killed the healer summoned by Debeullan for revenge on Bern or to protect Bern, but this time there was no such reason.

 

If Chase became deeply involved in Debeullan’s death even without Bern to rescue from Debeullan’s thorn-filled embrace, Chase would merely become the son who hindered his own father’s treatment to steal the crown.

 

— No matter how much the Nobles are dissatisfied with the current King, no matter how wrong His Majesty’s methods are, intervening in His Majesty’s death and taking that position is usurpation. But the Crown Prince I know is not someone who can think of that lightly. If you had been here, he could have given himself the resolve by using you as the reason, but not now.

 

Driving Debeullan to death for revenge for Bern who did not even exist in this world, or causing Debeullan’s death for Kalian who had nothing to do with the current Kalian, these had no rational justification that Chase could use to convince and forgive himself.

 

Did not even Bern, who hated Debeullan so deeply, still call Debeullan father? Had he not chosen a path that avoided raising a sword against his father by doing so? Chase would be no different.

 

After all, Chase was Debeullan’s son.

 

So Arianneu’s words meant that if the current Chase did the same thing as the past, it was obvious that he would live his entire life with the guilt of harming his father without justification.

 

— I don’t want my love to be covered in blood without being able to find justification to convince himself, crushed under that burden for life. I don’t want to see his wisdom clouded by guilt either. But His Highness insists on doing it anyway. Saying he must not obstruct your path forward. I understand His Highness, so I don’t want to stop him, but I can’t watch him break down either.

 

It made perfect sense.

 

For the current Chase to rebel against Debeullan because of Bern was indeed abnormal. Causing Debeullan’s death because of Kalian was something no one could accept.

 

And Arianneu was saying she did not want Chase to live engulfed in guilt. Was the current Chase not clearly a different person from that time? He should not use nonexistent events as an excuse to take action.

 

— So, this time, I’ll do it. What His Majesty has done until now is sufficient justification for me. But I realized I can’t do it entirely alone. So, I contacted you to ask for help. Honestly, I know how selfish I’m being right now, and I’m so sorry I don’t know what words to apologize with, but I can’t help it. My fiancé is more important to me than you.

 

And Arianneu added this.

 

She did not want Chase to live engulfed in guilt, and since she had justification to punish Debeullan, she would step forward in Chase’s place. So, he should help her.

 

— You need not apologize. It’s not selfish.

 

Kalian spoke with a slightly bitter smile.

 

How could he call Arianneu selfish?

 

— Tell me. What do you want me to help with?

 

— The healer from Tansyll cannot come here. As I said, I’ll prevent them from coming. And His Majesty cannot fight the Nobles head-on right now. He’s too ill for that. So instead of ignoring the justification mother created and force the healer in, he might try to summon a different healer against whom that justification cannot be used.

 

Having said this, Arianneu paused briefly.

 

When another water droplet rolled down the cup, those words continued.

 

— He’ll definitely reach out. Because he’s someone who extinguishes others’ lives like blowing out candles while thinking of his own life as more important than anything in the world. No matter who it is, if he just summons them somehow and recovers, then he can kill us all, make us kneel, silence us, and cover it up again like always. That’s what he’ll think. But if what His Majesty summons is not a Tansyll healer, we have no justification to block it.

 

— And His Majesty knows who the other healer is, besides the Tansyll healer.

 

Someone who did not exist in the past but exists now.

 

The one person who was neither a Tansyll healer nor an Elf healer. The person cornered Debeullan would reach out to.

 

— …Hina.

 

A laugh that sounded amused escaped from Kalian’s mouth as he murmured that special name. Not hearing this, Arianneu stated the conclusion of the long story she wanted to tell Kalian.

 

— So don’t come. No matter what reason His Majesty brings, whatever excuse he makes, don’t come. Please make sure that healer you have with you absolutely cannot come here. This time, you must turn your back on His Majesty.

 

Arianneu said to Kalian what Chase could never ask of Kalian.

 

— I’m sorry. Truly.

 

Kalian quietly closed his eyes and held his breath.

 

Because the shadow of the past he had tried not to think about seemed to waver before his eyes like a ghost.

 

* * *

 

There was a ‘whale song’.

 

“I remember being curious because I didn’t know the reason. What made such a large beast so sorrowful that it would make such a sound?”

 

Yesterday he had told a story about stars falling from the sky, and today he spoke of the whale song, which was heard from the sea under a starlit night.

 

[Why?]

 

“Would it make that sound if it cried while twisting its entire body? Would it make that sound if it cried while having all its flesh torn away? How would one have to cry to make such a sound?”

 

Out of the blue, Kalian asked whether Plants had seen such a large beast, then told the story that such a large beast’s cry was the most sorrowful thing in the world. With a cup of pitch-black coffee before him.

 

Kalian had just arrived in Plants room, so why was that pitch-black fellow sitting there with pitch-black tea before him with pitch-black dead eyes? Without explaining that, Kalian began talking about whale song.

 

“Because I was curious about that, though I couldn’t dare board a ship to get closer, I still climbed a high cliff. I once looked at that sea where the moon sparkled from such a distance.”

 

Having said this, Kalian raised his slightly cupped hand to eye level, then very slowly moved it up and down, imitating something moving forward.

 

“It just slowly rose above the water and descended, just like that. Breathing and swimming. That appearance was so peaceful that I once wondered curiously whether the beast making those cries was really that creature.”

 

This was not the appearance he had shown when speaking to Plants in the underground of Heisia Palace long ago. So right now, Kalian was simply sitting as Kalian, telling his own story. Knowing this, Plants also sat across from him without other words, listening to his story.

 

Without asking why he was acting this way, what had happened to make his face look like that…

 

“If you don’t keep your mouth shut and watch quietly, you can’t hear that sound. It doesn’t show outwardly. So, I almost lived without knowing what a whale song was. I thought it quite fortunate that I learned that quiet beast also cried like that, and I became sorrowful together with it. There was such a day.”

 

Having said this, Kalian looked down quietly at the untouched coffee, then raised his head toward Plants again.

 

“Long ago, I heard that sound here, again.”

 

Plants just slowly closed and opened his eyes once.

 

Kalian, who had not been looking for any particular answer, continued speaking.

 

“Because I remembered that day, I tried to think it fortunate that I heard the whale song again. Fortunate that I didn’t pass by without knowing. But today I heard that sound once more from a somewhat distant place.”

 

Even without seeing, Plants knew what it is.

 

Plants also knows that great sea beast, said to always be tranquil, must come out of the water to breathe. He knows it must endure the contradiction of raising its head above water to obtain breath, even though it cannot sustain life while out of water.

 

“I don’t know whether I should think it fortunate this time too, or regret that I should have just passed by without hearing anything from the beginning. Or whether I should resent my ears that only now understood that sound.”

 

So, had it truly been Plants and Chase who made the whale song? Or was it Kalian, who came up to this place full of poison he could neither swallow nor spit out, breathing?

 

Instead of telling which was the answer, Plants just said the same thing as yesterday.

 

“Eat before you go.”

 

Because even with that clever head, if thinking does not reveal the answer, whenever he does anything, his head gets hungry, so just fill that head with food like yesterday and go.

 

Kalian, who had been staring at Plants for a while, lowered his head and burst into laughter.

 

“Telling me to eat again.”

 

Because he did not know what was inside that fresh young head that always knows he’d be hungry whenever anything happened. He thus laughed and actually felt hungry.

 

While ignoring the light green eyes that seemed to ask, ‘after all that barking, did you just speak informally to me?’