Chapter 229, Whose Son I Am (2)

Translator: Hedge

Editor: Lizzz

 

Contradiction.

 

Does Syspanian know just how selfishly contradictory Humans are? What about Serenty?

 

Does Serenty know it?

 

“Unlike me, he said he seemed like a child who could break at any moment, so he wanted to be with him; that’s what he said, my older brother, as he left for the Royal Palace. After that, every letter from the Royal Palace was filled with nothing but worry about Your Highness. But one day, rumors reached Siegfried Territory that Your Highness seemed to have changed completely overnight. News also came that you had taken the path of the sword. Until then, I didn’t have any particular suspicions. Even up until yesterday, I just thought it was talent.”

 

“Dmirea.”

 

“Because it was a Royal matter, even though older brother was by your side, you must have somehow deceived everyone’s eyes and handled the sword and kept it hidden. People in the Royal Family all have to survive that way; that’s what I thought and let it pass.”

 

[Yes. I hid it. I tried to hide it. I tried to hide that the current me is clearly different from the Old Kalian. But at the same time, I wanted everyone to know. I wanted everyone in the world to know. I truly wanted them all to know. Whose son I am.]

 

[Why must I deliberately awaken and realize that I am no longer Debeullan’s son and can no longer be Rmain’s son either, but have become my father’s son? Why is that not a natural thing, and why is it not simply a fact that I am Allan Manasil’s son that I can just forget about in everyday life? Why must I verbally confirm that I am his son, remind each other of it, and celebrate it?]

 

[Why do I feel suffocated when I’m not called by that name or confirmed moment by moment with those absurd titles that prove I’m someone’s blood relative, as if I need confirmation from someone or permission from someone?]

 

“If you had continued using the sword enough to take the path of the sword a year later, your muscles wouldn’t have been damaged enough to be unable to hold even a single sword, no matter how badly you were poisoned. No matter how much of Syspanian’s Blessing you had, your heart would have stopped before you were damaged that severely.”

 

[Because I couldn’t control those feelings that would surge up even after I had composed myself, that would explode even after I had hidden them. Because I couldn’t control that terribly grateful feeling of receiving Syspanian’s attention, understanding, and comfort and taking another step forward. I’m actually not that child, but I’m no longer Bern either. I can’t be both. But…]

 

[Because I promised him he would not lose his son twice. Because I promised to talk about it and receive treatment when I’m in pain. Because I promised to accept protection so I won’t disappear from memory again. Because I promised to read a letter full of reflection on some melancholic day. Because I promised to someday visit that small seaside and have a drink together. Because I promised to try dreaming good dreams from now on. Because I promised that when time passes, we’ll measure whose height is greater…]

 

[Most of all, because I promised that I would dare to live well in your place. I can’t give up.]

 

[I am that child who sparkled the same way when looking at the red kaleidoscope that was handed over casually, carelessly, and I am also Bern who cried the same way at the whale’s song heard from the sea, where silver moonlight descended.]

 

“It makes no sense, it sounds insane. Unless you really were a different person, it couldn’t be like this.”

 

[I am now both that child and Bern. And I am neither that child nor Bern. I am now just Kalian. I wanted people to know I was such a person. I wanted them to know. And I wanted no one to know.]

 

[Serenty. Do you know? Do you know this terrible contradiction?]

 

“I will.”

 

[Does that damned Serenty, whose high intentions I can’t even begin to fathom, know this absurdly selfish contradiction, that while knowing I must keep secrets, I still lay everything bare as if revealing all, yet still hope no one would know? Why does she erase that name instead of blocking my mouth that speaks secrets?]

 

“Fine. I’ll explain… everything. All of it.”

 

“Yes. Please tell me.”

 

Kalian answered as if giving up, as if resigned.

 

Not once had he been anxious or worried about Ian. But he just did not want him to know. He tried to obscure it the best he could, away from Ian most of all.

 

Whether he recognises or not, whether he was the same person or not. Even knowing that he was the only person in this world whom Ian could most likely take a life with resentment, vowing revenge, he was yet the same bastard who said he would live with a dead face and kept struggling like a madman, insisting Ian should spare him, save him, because he might be needed someday.

 

Even though he scraped out his insides trying to pretend, given in the place of a child who was no longer there. Even while living like that every day. Even while barely scraping by like that, he…

 

“Let’s move. Too many eyes watching.”

 

So he wanted him not to know.

 

*Step.*

 

But…

 

“…Rea.”

 

Ian came back.

 

And without asking permission, he intruded on the conversation and called Dmirea first.

 

This time, it was Siroian, not Ian.

 

* * *

 

It was a small box.

 

With a thud, a box wrapped in pale pink silk was placed on the table.

 

While Arsene was away supervising the cooperative training of Mages and Knights, after the increasingly loud knocking sounds that had been hesitating finally passed, Hina entered.

 

‘Can you help me practice?’

 

And so, having seated Plants in front of her as he was frantically handling two days’ worth of work in one day, setting down two glasses of milk filled with sugar-preserved strawberries, she asked this without even bringing up the main topic.

 

“Sure.”

 

So Plants also answered without asking what practice and how much help she needed.

 

‘Thank you.’

 

It was not difficult to refuse gratitude or apology spoken with such a mouth. But he could never stop what she showed with her hands. Because her hands always moved first when he tried to tell her not to, because he had to watch those hands and couldn’t look away, he couldn’t stop her.

 

With a *click*, the box opened.

 

Inside were a pair of round earrings studded with small pale pink gems that resembled the box’s color and were also like Luci’s paw pads or perhaps the strawberry milk Hina had set down, and one thin silver bracelet that looked exactly like something any bastard in Secritia would have except for having the same colored gem.

 

Plants, who had been staring at it quietly, opened his mouth.

 

“If you can’t handle Mana, you won’t be able to use it in an emergency.”

 

Hina made a slightly surprised face at Plants’s words.

 

‘How did you know? I didn’t say anything.’

 

Because she hadn’t experienced Plants’s smart head and quick wit much, she was reacting to him already knowing what it was and why she’d received it just from seeing the contents.

 

“It just happens.”

 

Watching Plants answer only this, Hina smiled brightly and said.

 

‘It was processed from the magic stone the Queen of Liberen sent. He said it would be okay even if I can’t use Magic.’

 

In other words, it was a magic stone like those that automatically regulated the bath water temperature or Chermil Palace’s indoor temperature, operated the Teleportation Magic Circles that moved items in and out of Chermil Palace to each floor, or automatically activated the Magic that locked windows. That pink jewel was probably that kind of magic stone.

 

What neither Hina nor Plants nor Kalian knew was that Allan, who treasured even hard-to-obtain high-grade magic stones the size of two finger joints obtained with difficulty by catching monsters that were rarely found, had deliberately broken one to transform it to fit those earrings and bracelet. It was a fact only Allan knew, who had smashed it without a second thought at Kalian’s request despite finding the magic stone extremely precious.

 

‘Until the kind Prince resolves a certain matter. The absurd Deputy Commander and my older brother follow me around. But still, if something urgent happens, I can’t make a sound. So, he gave it to me. He said the bracelet is for my older brother.’

 

Kalian had stopped by Arpia Palace the day before for this.

 

Thanks to that, he had gotten a headache hearing Euria’s investigation results. However, it did not change what he originally intended to ask Allan.

 

Whether there was something that would allow using Communication Magic even without being able to use Mana, and if so, whether it could possibly be obtained.

 

His thought was that since they were receiving Chase’s communications within the Palace anyway, adding one more for Hina wouldn’t be much of a problem. And coincidentally, something arrived from Liberen that could help make that possible. It was a gift made that way.

 

“…Ah.”

 

Plants had not thought of magic stones.

 

What if that younger brother, who seemed to have long since departed from human ways of thinking, made something to remove cat fur with magic stones while barking that he would not teach Magic, what would he say to refuse this small request?

 

Toward Plants, who was wasting his good head with such useless thoughts, Hina spoke again.

 

‘I wanted to tell my older brother first, and also the kind Prince. But I’ve never done it before. I was worried that if I didn’t speak well, my older brother would be upset. But today, even the mature younger brother didn’t come, so the only person I could think of was the good Prince.’

 

“I see.”

 

It was the first time she could ‘speak.’

 

Though Kalian had prepared it worried that Debeullan might pull another insane stunt, it was an item that would let Hina make sounds for the first time in her life.

 

Hina, who had come to find the good Prince, who might be either perfect or terrible as a practice partner, took out the bracelet from the box and handed it over, then put on the earrings.

 

Plants, who had learned roughly how to use the ring thanks to his younger brother’s foolish older brother in another country, received the bracelet and put it on his wrist as if familiar. And while she put on the earrings, he took a sip of the strawberry milk placed in front of him and waited quietly.

 

After a moment, Plants looked at Hina and tried to nod lightly, then opened his mouth.

 

“Speak. I’ll listen.”

 

At the words saying he would listen rather than watch, Hina showed a small smile and nodded.

 

After that, no sound was heard for a while.

 

Instead of a voice that seemed like it would be both unfamiliar and familiar, Luci’s purring as she was held could be heard occasionally.

 

At the window where sunlight poured in, Plants quietly closed his eyes with the warm cat on his lap. Even though he was busy, he could afford leisure, and it was okay not to watch her hands.

 

Again, no sound was heard for a while.

 

During the quiet time, Plants waited without words.

 

—Hello.

 

A long while passed again.

 

And finally.

 

—I am Hina.

 

A voice was heard.

 

Halting because it was unfamiliar. Like the sound of knocking, still cautious about many things, and truly small.

 

It was Hina’s voice.

 

Plants, who did not need to open his mouth to respond to that very small voice, smiled slightly with his eyes still closed.

 

—…Good to hear.

 

Luci, curled up in a ball, purred once more. Quiet time passed for a while at the window where sunlight poured in.

 

* * *

 

It was entering autumn.

 

He felt that the wind blowing on the lake where bushes were planted, preparing to be dyed with sunset colors, had become cool.

 

Ian had come and begun talking with Dmirea. Without hearing what that conversation was about, Kalian sat on a rock by the lakeside, staring at the water rippling in the wind.

 

[The weather was similar to that day. Was it spring then?]

 

Since it had been Rmain’s birthday commemoration, it probably was. Wind had blown by the lakeside that day too, when he had come out after meeting Rmain privately for the first time. He suddenly remembered that.

 

That day, Ian had said to go get some air since meeting Rmain would make his insides noisy. After hearing that and going for a walk, he had seen Randel, who was suffering inwardly, tending roses. And that day, he had also seen peas pickled in alcohol. No. Since he said he did not drink alcohol, should he say peas soaked in the smell of alcohol?

 

He had not known that day that he would end up living like this with Randel and Plants. So, he had not known that day that he would come to care this much even about Ian.

 

The wind blew and the lakeside water rippled, so he became immersed in memories as if drowning in them.

 

He had asked Ian about his family that day. Since he still did not know which family Ian belonged to at that time, Ian had also answered evasively.

 

[I should have been more curious.]

 

If Kalian had known it would come to this, he should have been a bit more curious.

 

During the past war, Duke Sleiman had participated directly, but the Lesser Duchess had not participated. He should have been curious about the reason. Siroian, the eldest son of Siegfried, also had not participated. Looking at Ian now, it would be natural, but still, he should have been curious about the reason.

 

What the person who had been the Third Prince’s attendant did during the ten years that passed from the day the Third Prince ended his short life until the day war broke out. Whether he was okay. Whether he was even alive. He should have been curious. He should have found out.

 

[How could I not know that one thing?]

 

Even when he had commanded so many birds, that suddenly became a regret as he silently watched the ripples on the lake.

 

[Please don’t let him go through such a thing again.]

 

He should have properly asked about Ian’s older brother who had died. He should have properly asked and listened to the whole story.

 

“How could I be so careless?”

 

When he was falling into the midst of chaos where past wrongs and present wrongs were all mixed together.

 

*Step… step…* Dmirea’s footsteps were heard. They differed from Ian’s sounds as he habitually walked lifting his heels.

 

“Dmirea.”

 

Instead of asking what she had said, he called Dmirea’s name once more. Now he was about to tell her everything and still ask her to keep the secret. Thinking of the Baby Elephant who was looking at him in place of the dead ‘Kalian’, the current Kalian would ask her to keep it secret since he would tell the story directly when the time came.

 

“He’s making a fuss saying Your Highness is tired so I should just go.”

 

But Kalian lost his words.

 

Ian had come as Siroian and forcibly took Dmirea away, then became Ian again and talked.

 

“…Ha.”

 

Kalian laughed.

 

“He said you seemed very tired and wanted to rest, that you seemed troubled and uncomfortable, so whatever I came to say, please don’t talk about it today and just go.”

 

“…How does he know what we’re going to say?”

 

“I…”

 

Standing beside Kalian as he sat, not placing her gaze on Kalian’s mouth but looking straight down into his red eyes, Dmirea continued.

 

“I am Dmirea of Siegfried. I’m a person who holds my family’s beliefs more important than myself. I’m that same person who finds that my one older brother is more important than my family’s beliefs. That’s the kind of person I am.”

 

Dmirea of Siegfried.

 

Instead of answering that he already knew too well what kind of person Dmirea was. Kalian just nodded.

 

“I’ll return without asking. I’ll pretend not to know and completely forget what you’ve hidden, so Your Highness should bury it. Bury it until you die. Bury it for your whole life as if indebted to my older brother.”

 

*Haa…*

 

“Because if it’s revealed, I’ll really kill you with my own hands.”

 

Having said that, Dmirea continued looking down at Kalian with a silent gaze, then opened her mouth again.

 

“…My betrothed.”

 

He laughed.

 

Because his same-age betrothe who had imposed a debt to be repaid for life was truly frightening.

 

“Yes. I promise.”

 

Because he could think that today he was unnecessarily tired and should probably rest, so he should just ask for a glass of warm milk to be brought before he slept.

 

“Thank you. My betrothed.”

 

Because he was so grateful for that.