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I am Asley, also known as Poer.
Today, I’m stealthily tailing Pochi and Giorno, who have recently become good friends. As for why I’m doing this… I just feel like I mustn’t show myself to them.
Just a little earlier, I saw Pochi having some friendly talk with someone, so I ran up to her… but then that someone turned out to be Giorno.
I can interact with Pochi just fine, of course, but it’s still an almost impossible task to constantly act as equals with a famous hero like Giorno.
That’s why I’m following them right now, by crawling in the bushes like a beast. Using Invisible Illusion would make me stand out, what with the hero being able to easily detect fluctuations of arcane energy.
Heh… thanks to the long-ranged listening magecraft I’ve slapped together, I can still hear what those two are talking about even when I’m decently far away.
Man, I am once again in awe of my genius.
Well, I’ve managed to complete this one so quickly because I’ve already got the groundwork for it, in the form of the voice-amplification spell that I’ve researched up to the conceptual step before.
“Ahahahaha, that’s right, Giorno. That time, my Master fell asleep on my back, but I didn’t notice it and just kept on running… and by the time I realized that, he was gone!”
“Hahahaha, very interesting. What happened next?”
“It took me ten whole days to find him! As a result, I missed at least a hundred meals!”
Now that’s some mathematical gymnastics you did there, Pochi.
The story really takes me back, though… That happened three or four hundred years ago, didn’t it?
If she’d only stayed calm, my Telepathic Calls would have connected just fine, but it’d taken forever for us to find each other because her mental state had been so unstable.
“It would’ve been fine if that was it! NO! After that, he cried like a waterfall and clung to me and refused to let go! Now THAT was the hardest part!”
“Hahahaha, he probably missed you, too!”
“Eh-hem! So, left with no other choice, I stayed right next to him until he calmed down!”
Strange… I’m already sensing some inconsistencies there.
If I remember correctly, it was Pochi who clung to me, yelling ‘Food!!’ over and over.
“Well, do you have another story?”
Looks like Giorno is deeply invested in this now.
There exists about eight hundred years’ worth of silly stories between me and Pochi. She’s not going to run out of stock anytime soon.
“How about that time when my Master jumped down a waterfall?!”
“That sounds nice!”
Yeah, I jumped down to help HER up!
“There’s also that time when he wore a Killer Bee nest on his head!”
That wouldn’t have happened if she hadn’t foolishly tried to take their honey with her paws!
“He also did this-!”
“That’s got to hurt!”
“Oh, but there’s more-!”
Grrrrrr… Damn you, Pochi!
She’s changing damn near every detail to make herself look good!
I’ve got to get out there and whoop out all the punishment she deserves!
“What are you doing here, Poer?”
A certain deep voice stopped the rage-trembling of my shoulders in an instant.
I turned around, and what I saw was a gigantic red ox.
“Oh, hey there, Weldhun.”
“What, that’s all you have to greet me with? I came over because I thought I saw some suspicious guy sneaking around… but turns out, it was just you. Hmm? Isn’t that Giorno and Shiro there…?”
“Oh sh-! Hey, get over here for a sec!”
“W-what the hell…?”
…Whew. Looks like I managed to stay undetected.
And man, Weldhun… how dare you call me a suspicious guy?!
“Well, Poer? Why are you being sneaky around those two?”
I failed to immediately come up with a suitable excuse to ease Weldhun’s suspicion.
“Oh, well… you know, reasons?”
“What reason? You’re not being controlled by the Devil King’s army, are you?”
Now, what excuse should I make?
A bad one would get me kicked to kingdom come, and an honest one is damn sure to make the Ox angry.
I’ve got to find another way to get through this, somehow…
Are there any magic words that can help me out? Magic words… wait, magic?
Oh, that’s right! There’s one! A magic spell that can both punish Pochi and deal with Weldhun at the same time!
“So, Weldhun, there’s this individual you’ve probably been wanting to meet, you see?”
“Someone I’ve been wanting to meet? You’re not going to say it’s a high-ranking officer of the Devil King’s army, right?”
“Of course not… But this will be worth your time, I think.”
“…I don’t understand. Who in the world could that be?”
Weldhun tilted his head.
I held up my index finger in front of my mouth, signaling him to keep quiet.
“Rise, A-rise… Rise!”
Heh heh heh heh heh heh…
It’s a spell I’ve made quite a while ago, but it’ll do nicely to deliver my revenge… I mean, punishment.
“That’s right! And then he-“
All right, about time the effect kicks in, right?
It’s impressive how long she can keep running her mouth, this dog…
“…Oh? What’s happening to you, Shiro…?”
Looks like Giorno’s noticed it.
“Hey, Poer! How much longer do I have to keep this blindfold on?!”
“Oh, you can look now. There, that’s what you’ve been wanting to see, Weldhun!”
“Hmm? There’s Giorno and- hmm?! HOLY COW!”
Weldhun is looking straight ahead, at where Giorno is… and Pochi was. Well, Pochi is technically still there, but…
“And then my Master also did the- oh? What’s the matter, Giorno? Is there something on my face?”
“Well, Shiro… you’ve… transformed…?”
“Huh? What do you mean, transformed?”
The target of the spell wouldn’t realize how their appearance in others’ eyes has been altered – that’s both a positive and negative, depending on the situation.
“Ohh! OHH!! How could she be so BEAUTIFUL?!”
Looks like someone’s excited. So that’s his type, huh?
“She’s beautiful! BEAUTIFUL! Now THAT is the ideal mate! I’ve never thought I’d find someone so beautiful out here in the barren lands! Hmm! HMM! HNGGGGGG!!”
…Wait a second. Maybe I went too far?
“Well, transformed means transformed, Shiro… You’ve turned into a…”
“THE SUPREME HEIFER!! I HAVE FOUND YOU!! OOOHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!”
Weldhun shouted, shaking the earth and the sky. Yes, he managed that with the power of his voice alone… while heading straight to Pochi, who now looks like a cow to him.
“Hahahaha… looks like it’s about time I left, Shiro. Haaave fun~~♪”
Giorno promptly disappeared, as if he knew to escape the scene early, while Pochi still hasn’t realized the serious situation that was happening.
“Hahah! Hahahah-! You, fair lady over there!! What is your name?!”
“Oh, Weldhun? What do you mean, my name? Hahaha…”
Uh, this might end badly…
“No, no names are needed between us! Come! I wish for you to bear my offspring! I wish for a serious, long-lasting companionship!”
“Now! Let me hear your answer! HNGGGGGG!! Hah… hah… hmm! Hah!”
Man, Weldhun’s breathing is getting super wild right now.
“Hmm, no, a real man needs no words! Only actions! Here I go!”
And where exactly is he going?
“Whoa whoa whoa-?! Hey, watch it-!!”
Pochi narrowly avoided Weldhun’s charge, and proceeded to tremble in fear upon seeing the trees collapsing behind her.
That’s only natural. I’m surprised as all hell, too.
That charge was even more powerful than his usual ones.
“He… hehehehe! You managed to dodge a charge from me, the Crimson King Ox! Wonderful! An excellent calf is sure to be born between us!”
“Ha… hahahahaha… W-what are you talking about, Weldhun…? Ha… haha… hahaha…”
“FWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! You already know my name! I see, I see! I’ve never believed in fate before, but this must be it! Wonderful! Absolutely wonderful!!”
“Hmm?! Did you just say something?! Hmm… Hmm!!”
Weldhun solidified his stance, preparing for another charge.
“SOMEONE… ANYONE!! HELP MEEEEEEEEE!!”
O-okay, I might have accidentally caused a catastrophe…
1 thought on “The Principle of a Philosopher by Eternal Fool “Asley” – Chapter 252, His Type”
Just threw her under the Ox Cart huh?
Thanks for the chapter