Chapter 180, Not Yet, But (3)

Translator: Hedge

Editor: Lizzz

 

He could not remember when it started, but it had become a habit.

 

“I wonder if all habits are like that, you can’t remember when they started. Or is it just me? I’m not sure.”

 

Chase quietly murmured while refilling his empty wine glass.

 

Going up to sit on building rooftops and drinking had gradually increased from one day to two, then to three days, until at some point, till he couldn’t remember when, it had become a habit.

 

Taillan, who had been silently watching over Chase, replied in a low voice.

 

“Perhaps it is, or perhaps it isn’t.”

 

“Is that so.”

 

Chase nodded with a voice that held no particular meaning. Under the silver moon and blue stars, his blue-silver hair of similar hue swayed and settled.

 

“If Your Highness did not deliberately adopt this habit to follow the preferences of the Third Prince of Cyries, I believe there would be more things you cannot remember.”

 

He was referring to the mint tea that Chase had suddenly taken to drinking habitually.

 

At these quietly spoken words, Chase turned his head and looked at Taillan steadily. The wine was not particularly strong, so Chase was not intoxicated at all. Therefore, what Taillan had just said could not have been misheard.

 

“Ah, I’ve been found out.”

 

Chase said this and smiled faintly. A deep, melancholy sigh hung at the end of his smile.

 

The original Chase had never shown such an expression.

 

He had only ever smiled at everyone, always. He had never shown an expression like lingering cold, or like mist that seemed ready to dissipate.

 

Taillan, who had watched and taught him for longer than Chase’s own attendants, knew this.

 

So how could he fail to notice the sudden drinking of mint tea and what might be behind it?

 

“Chase.”

 

Therefore, instead of the respectful address he always used, Taillan address him this way. He held onto Chase, who was laughing like dried leaves scattering and falling one by one.

 

At this address he had not heard since taking the position of Crown Prince, Chase looked at Taillan with an expression that seemed somewhat surprised or perhaps amused.

 

“I must really be drunk… My Master is even calling me by my name.”

 

And then he made this joke-like remark.

 

He had tried to change the subject, meaning to ask no more questions and show no further interest, but Taillan firmly shook his head and spoke again.

 

“Am I not doing this out of concern?”

 

Chase made a low laughing sound. Then, looking down at the small city rooftops spread below his feet, he said.

 

“I habitually drink alcohol, and my Master habitually stays by my side. I habitually dream, and my Master habitually worries about me.”

 

So many things had become habits during this time that many things came to mind. Therefore, Chase’s violet eyes moved toward Taillan as he recited these various habits.

 

“That much is enough, Master. Not the mint tea.”

 

The words meaning that even to Master Taillan, he could not tell why he was imitating Kalian’s preferences. The words asking him not to worry about it or be curious about it.

 

“If you don’t tell me what’s wrong, how can I help? Don’t sit there looking like you might jump down.”

 

He could no longer bear to see such an appearance, as if he might jump down without hesitation toward what lay below his feet. Speaking thus while looking at his only disciple, Taillan’s face was deeply troubled.

 

Since Taillan was treating Chase as his disciple, Chase also briefly took on the appearance of a disciple and spoke in a quiet voice.

 

“I have already refrained from wanting to jump down there immediately. A long time ago.”

 

[Ah, was really that long ago?]

 

Chase, who added these words, smiled silently again.

 

“So you don’t need to worry about such things.”

 

“But, Chase.”

 

This time, with the thought that he would not back down, Taillan spoke again. But Chase only shook his head and smiled again.

 

He knew that even if those dreams were burdensome, he must not forget them, and even if he swayed, he must not fall. He now knew that his life was not so light that he could put everything down over such matters.

 

A wind that died down like silent laughter blew once and scattered. As if following its end, Chase’s eyes tracked something far away before he spoke again.

 

“I’m really fine.”

 

* * * From ‘father’ to Bern * * *

 

Since you said you would take up the sword to protect him.

 

Do as you wish.

 

Whether you protect him or endure it, try it once.

 

If you succeed.

 

I will spare that bastard and seat him in my place.

 

As you desire.

 

* * *

 

He neither showed irritation nor closed his eyes.

 

He simply sat still and held his position so that the laughter of the one sitting before him would stop.

 

So that whatever it was, whether laughter or something else, would all stop. Until the clearly burning red eyes looked at the clearly shining light green eyes.

 

“At first…”

 

After laughing for a long while, breathing, then laughing again for another long while, Kalian finally spoke as if barely breathing again.

 

“I thought it might be a dream. I wondered if a day would come when everything would become events in a dream after I woke up.”

 

Having lost an arm, bleeding, with a hole in his chest. Having lost even greater things, slowly growing cold and dying, wouldn’t he return to that moment?

 

“Actually, it would be more accurate to say I yearned for it rather than just think it.”

 

[Is he hearing what is hidden between those words, or is he not hearing it?]

 

Plants quietly turned his head away, removing his eyes from Kalian’s gaze.

 

“Unfortunately, it wasn’t a dream.”

 

He met the old Kalian in his dreams; he met Chase in his dreams.

 

He met and parted from those who no longer existed in such ways. He met and lost in dreams those who had passed beyond his grasp.

 

Now Kalian dreamed no dreams at all.

 

How could one who does not dream awaken from within them?

 

Therefore, for Kalian, it was not a dream but an end.

 

*Clink*

 

Kalian, who took a sip of the cold black tea and set it down, looked at Plants.

 

“…Recently, I heard that half of the Secritia spies staying in this place died.”

 

After talking about dreams, he brought up someone’s death.

 

Still so suddenly, so consistently.

 

“I wasn’t greatly surprised. If it had been me, I would have done the same, so I immediately understood why such a decision was made. But, knowing that it was something you couldn’t do before but now had no choice but to do. I suppose that its somewhat unfamiliar.”

 

Kalian, who had so calmly spoken of personally eliminating the spies he had raised, continued as if he had no intention of hearing Plants’ other thoughts on the matter.

 

“You must have felt the empty space that formed between past and present. And now you must have realized that you have to fill that empty space yourself, so I think that’s why you made such a decision.”

 

Chase was wise.

 

But he was only wise. That became a problem, causing cracks to appear here and there.

 

Chase must have realized what Bern had been doing in his memories. He must have come to feel that there was no longer anyone to do that work in his place.

 

What Bern had done to keep Chase as a wise holy King, while Bern had lived to keep Chase alone in that light. He must have come to know.

 

How large that empty space must seem.

 

How burdensome it would be to fill that place alone. How terrible the nightmare-like reality that would come after awakening from endlessly continuing dreams would be.

 

“I am not unaware of it.”

 

Kalian also knew that Bern’s empty space was becoming Chase’s crack.

 

Even so, instead of saying that he sought Chase because of Plants, Kalian lifted his tea and took another sip.

 

“Because I know, I’m making this request.”

 

Even so, he sought Chase because he knew that the present Chase would be several times stronger than the past Chase.

 

Though the situation would be worse than when Bern was there. Though it would be difficult now that he realized how terrible the smell of blood was, which Bern had taken on in Chase’s place. Still, he was confident that in the end, Chase would fill that empty space well.

 

‘To take your opponent’s hand, you must first stake your own. Didn’t you say that? To get what you want, you must have something to wager. So try it once. You said protecting that bastard was your dream.’

 

Bern, who had walked in the shadows in Chase’s place, was younger than the present Chase, the present Plants, the present Kalian. Even so, it was fine.

 

Though he went mad, he did not collapse.

 

Because.

 

“He’s strong enough to have lived as that person’s son until now.”

 

Weren’t Chase and Bern brothers who resembled each other very much?

 

They were after all sons to that hell-like Debeullan.

 

That was something that would not have changed at all, regardless of whether Bern was there or not.

 

“So, though he might waver, I know he’s someone who won’t collapse.”

 

*Clink.*

 

Plants lifted his teacup without answering.

 

Then, Kalian immediately reached out and took the cup as if snatching it, setting it down at a distance.

 

Only after the teacup was removed did he notice that the overly steeped sweet scent of apple from the cold black tea was wafting as richly as flower fragrance.

 

“…Besides, he’s not someone who requires as much attention as someone closeby.”

 

[Should I say don’t bark, or should I say please don’t bark?] While Plants briefly considered this, Kalian took something from his chest and placed it on the table.

 

“Please act as a messenger bird one more time.”

 

Plants let out a silent sigh upon seeing what was placed on the table.

 

It was a plain silver bracelet without any pattern, which would have been on Allan’s wrist when he handed Kalian a similarly-looking ring as Kalian was leaving for the Roselita.

 

Though it would be useless inside the Royal Palace, outside it would transmit voices regardless of how far apart they were. Looking at it, Plants quietly spoke.

 

“I’ll need a hawk.”

 

He meant that since it would need to carry something heavier than a letter, a pigeon wouldn’t do.

 

Plants, who conveyed his answer with the meaning that he would grant Kalian’s request, let out a small sigh.

 

This troublesome younger brother who already escaped outside the Royal Palace frequently, it was difficult to gauge how much more often he would escape now. To have conversations, wouldn’t he need to go outside the Royal Palace?

 

Noticing this, Kalian shook his head and said:

 

“There won’t be anything for you to worry about, older brother.”

 

He was saying this because they were not leisurely enough to spare time for conversations.

 

So that bracelet was both Kalian’s promise to try to create days leisurely enough for that, and his demand was to stay alert and help so such days could be made. It was also a selfish request full of ego, asking him not to remove it since he would call and ask for help with anything whenever needed.

 

“I’m not the kind of younger brother who only causes heartache.”

 

The one who no longer dreamed smiled habitually while giving the gift of a voice to call out to one losing their way between nightmare-like reality and reality-like nightmares.

 

While looking at the one he hoped would dream slightly better dreams than raising cats.