Chapter 261, I Am a Prince (3)

Translator: Hedge

Editor: Lizzz

 

There would be no sound of knocking.

 

As she walked down the corridor and approached the office, someone opened the door and greeted her warmly.

 

“Welcome, Lady Bern.”

 

The visitor was Hina, and the one who greeted her was Allan. Hina, holding something in her arms up to one elbow with only her eyes peeking out, bowed in greeting. The unexpected object looked quite heavy, so Allan quickly took it from Hina’s hands and placed it on the table.

 

Meanwhile, Eila, who had come with Hina, paid her respects and then closed the door from outside. Allan glanced at her and then looked at what Hina had brought, asking.

 

“Isn’t this Carblania? It must be quite expensive.”

 

‘Yes, that’s right.’

 

The red flowers gave off a sweet scent rather than a floral one.

 

At first glance, they resembled peonies but were much smaller with uniquely shaped petals. As Allan looked down at the pot filled with mysterious blooms, Hina continued.

 

‘I thought it was medicinal, and worked hard to obtain it, but Veronica said it wasn’t what she was looking for, so I was going to keep it in my office. Then, when I saw the flowers bloom, I thought the Commander would like them, so I brought them.’

 

Petals as transparent and red as jewels.

 

Looking at them, Allan could not help but think of his pretty Disciple’s eyes, and he wore an expression as pleasant as the sweet fragrance. He had been unable to see Kalian for quite some time, and the boy was flickering before his eyes considerably.

 

“Thank you for your thoughtfulness. I shall tend to it carefully.”

 

Hina nodded with a smiling face and stood up.

 

She had not come with any particular business, just to deliver the flowerpot, so she was about to leave. But Allan said “Ah!” and quickly stood up to prepare tea.

 

It seemed he had something he wanted to say separately, so Hina didn’t ask anything else or whether Eila could come in too, and just waited for a moment.

 

Before long, two cups of mint tea with a refreshing scent were placed on the table. Allan, who had sat down opposite Hina again, glanced towards the door and spoke.

 

“I heard about the incident at Wilhelm Hall. I understand that the friend standing outside the door is quite formidable. How is it living together? Are there any problems?”

 

‘My escort? Yes, we’re getting along well. We’ve become quite close.’

 

“If you have any discomfort while living together, please tell me. His Highness keeps pestering me so much about taking good care of you that my ears are about to develop calluses.”

 

Hina nodded and took a sip of the tea that had just been handed to her. Then, after putting down the teacup, she said.

 

‘How curious. It’s the same leaf, but the taste is different, and the aroma is different too.’

 

The mint tea Allan brewed tasted better than any tea Hina had ever drunk. The aroma was cool, yet it tasted warm.

 

“Even so, I always find it difficult to brew this one. Coffee just needs to be brewed strongly, and strawberry tea just needs to be steeped lightly, so it’s always this one that’s the problem.”

 

Coffee for Allan and Arsene must be unconditionally strong, strawberry tea for Plants must be unconditionally light. And mint tea for Kalian must be unconditionally delicious. Therefore, tea for Kalian was the most difficult.

 

Understanding what he meant, Hina nodded again and then asked.

 

‘By the way, is Lady Eila from Secritia?’

 

Allan, who had actually sat Hina down to ask if she was getting along well with Eila, looked surprised when such words came from Hina’s fingertips.

 

In fact, what Hina had noticed was not such a big deal.

 

Although she had not met Eila directly during her trip for the Roselita with Kalian, she knew that Eila’s place of origin was the Hwiteurin Territory.

 

“Not now. Is there something on your mind because of that?”

 

‘No. My escort’s surname. I know where that place is. So I was curious whether she’s really someone from that place, or whether it’s a surname His Highness created for her.’

 

“I understand His Highness created it. Is there such a place in Secritia?”

 

‘Yes. There is. I heard it’s a small forest.’

 

Allan made an expression of disbelief without Hina seeing.

 

[Oh dear, my pretty Disciple has created another matter that will be discovered. When should I contact Chase and ask him to change the name of the place called Brigit? My flower-like Disciple accidentally used the name of a place in Secritia when naming her, so what can be done? We’ll have to change that place name, naturally.]

 

While Allan was making plans to create a big task for himself, Hina’s words continued.

 

‘In a letter my late mother left behind, it said that was where she and father first met.’

 

Hina’s mother.

 

Was she an Elf who had been exiled for doing something wrong? Was that why she lived in hiding in Secritia’s forest instead of Cyries?

 

‘She thought that if she gave birth to my brother in this country, they could all return to the Elf forest together, but she couldn’t. So mother and father and my brother and I all wanted to return to that forest and live there together, but it seemed that wouldn’t be possible. Our mother fell ill. If only she had waited a bit longer, I could have healed her.’

 

Hina looked into her teacup for a moment and then moved her hands again.

 

‘I don’t remember mother or father, so I always said that to my brother. Let’s go there later and live there instead. Now, I don’t think about going to that forest anymore, but before I met the kind Prince, I said it almost every day. Even though I didn’t know exactly where it was, I imagined it must surely be a happy place. So, when I heard my escort’s name, I was pleased.’

 

[Then, no need to contact Chase.]

 

Allan, who vaguely understood why Kalian had used that name, nodded. At this rate, even if Chase offered to change the name first, he would have to step forward to stop him. So, Allan simply changed his mind to eliminate anyone who might become suspicious upon hearing Eila’s name.

 

He had learnt why Kyrie, who had lost Hina in the past, had gone specifically to Secritia. Because Kyrie had gone to Secritia like that, Bern met Kyrie. Otherwise, Kalian would still be living without even knowing who Kyrie was.

 

If Allan had not arbitrarily created the surname Bern for Hina and Kyrie, the siblings’ surname would certainly have been Brigit. There must be another reason known only to Kalian for why he gave that surname to Eila, but at any rate, it was fortunate that it was not a thoughtlessly given surname.

 

Allan, who had learnt another of his son’s inner thoughts like this, looked at Hina and asked.

 

“So. Do you now think it would be better to live here than there?”

 

Hina raised her head and looked at Allan.

 

Then, with an unhesitant face, she nodded and answered:

 

“Commander. This place is really strange.”

 

Two cats with long names written on their collar strings who obtain salt-free chicken from anyone, messenger birds who brag to their flocking colleagues about what the healer’s golden light felt like, and a Deputy Commander who brings carbonated water to those messenger birds and prepares duck feed. It was such a strange place. Really, such a strange place.

 

Hina, living in such a place, smiled warmly and nodded.

 

‘I suppose it’s because the kind Prince who made this place like this is the strangest person. I prefer this strange place to the happy place I only imagined.’

 

“From such words, it seems you’ve become a strange person yourself.”

 

[Was it because this was a place where a Prince who had travelled back in time to an enemy nation was discovered in all the secrets he should keep until death? Or was it because this was a place where instead of taking the revenge that seemed necessary, he was trying to save everyone?]

 

Allan, thinking such thoughts, smiled back.

 

* * *

 

His feet sank into the sand worn by the waves.

 

Unknowingly, little by little, they became buried like that. The waves that had touched his toes now wetted the tops of his feet.

 

“Do you understand what you’ve just said?”

 

The waves undulated, but only a voice without any inflection leaked from between clenched teeth. Even though it had been quite a long time since Kalian had seen such a face on Plants, Plants conveyed his answer in a low voice no different from usual.

 

“You told me to live greedily, but it seems you don’t do that yourself.”

 

“You’re not someone who doesn’t know why I do that.”

 

“You couldn’t choose either, so you ended up just removing grass stains from my clothes. As if believing that doing so would make it as though my fault never existed at all. Thinking that your fault might have already been erased, you tried to make my fault disappear too, to make us seem equal. That’s what you were trying to bury.”

 

Without paying any attention to his collar being gripped fiercely, Plants stared straight into Kalian’s eyes and continued.

 

“It seemed like your fault was all erased along with that Prince. So, by reverting to white clothes without a single stain, by forcibly matching eye level like that, by trying to bury everything without forgiveness or reproach. It seemed like that would work.”

 

Strength entered the fingertips gripping the collar.

 

“It’s not like that.”

 

* * * (Memory Lane 1) * * *

 

“How many?”

 

“What are you suddenly talking about?”

 

“The lives Your Highness has secretly taken. I’m asking how many.”

 

The sin was… Irreversible.

 

Like spilt tea that has already poured out. That which creates scalded wounds and causes blisters to burst and leave scars.

 

“…Why do you want to know about that?”

 

“Yesterday I happened to see Your Highness entering Count Tion’s household. But this morning I heard that very Family had disappeared. When I thought about it, the same thing happened every day Your Highness smelt strongly of blood.”

 

“Forget about it.”

 

“I think there must be a reason, whatever it may be, why you had to kill and eliminate all those people. Don’t tell me to forget. Tell me about it. I’ll try to understand.”

 

“Talking about it won’t change anything. It will continue to be the same in the future. So, just leave it at that. It’s not something you need to worry about.”

 

Regret was useless.

 

Like rainwater pouring in through a broken window. That which floods in despite attempts to block it and drenches the entire body coldly.

 

* * * (Memory Lane 2) * * *

 

“Not long ago His Majesty called for me. He asked if I wanted to do something other than being a Knight, so I said I didn’t want to live as a nameless bird. I said I would live in pride and die honourably. I said I would live and die as a Knight like Your Highness. But.”

 

“Eila.”

 

“It doesn’t seem I need to do that.”

 

Forgiveness was unobtainable.

 

Like river water that has flowed away carrying many words. That which now simply remains silent, unable to be shown or heard no matter what is done.

 

* * *

 

“Your Highness. The Blue Warbler… has folded its wings.”

 

“…The body.”

 

“I shall direct the birds that went to Tansyll to recover it.”

 

“Come find me. Bring it here.”

 

Thus, ultimately driven into that deep, dark water and sinking alone.

 

The whale’s cry.

 

* * * (Back to Present) * * *

 

“After returning to the past. Because all the people you needed to ask for forgiveness from have forgotten and are all alive. Because there’s no chance of blood on your hands whether they die by someone else’s hand or not. So now that you have no one left to atone to, if your sword is going to stay that clean and unstained, then I won’t struggle to be the older brother of a bastard like that either.”

 

The smell was full of the fishy scent of salt.

 

That sea smell somehow felt familiar. It felt like standing on that sea.

 

“A mad bastard buried in the smell of blood that no one knows about should live comfortably atoning for the rest of his life without caring whether the person who bled is alive or dead. That’s your portion. Don’t escape out of that water and die dried up, just keep living inside it, suffocating.”

 

Continue living as Bern.

 

“Don’t think you’re not qualified just because you weren’t that child… the former Kalian. Even if you can’t forgive what I did to Kalian, you can be unable to forgive. Don’t forcibly look away pretending not to see because you think you’re a fake while having all the memories. If it becomes like that, what does Chase become? Don’t make it as though your former older brother has also disappeared.”

 

And live as the former Kalian.

 

“If you’ve decided to shoulder everything, take both responsibility and rights. Don’t just take what you’re responsible for, take everything. If it seems like the natural thing to do, take it naturally. If it seems like greed, be greedy. You’re allowed to.”

 

 

* * * (Memory Lane 3) * * *

 

‘Older brother, this… is a kaleidoscope. You left it in the garden yesterday. Ah, red… I didn’t know you disliked it. Then may I have this? I’ll think of it as a birthday present.”

 

“Older brother, have you ever seen what’s inside this? It looks just like red stars twinkling.”

 

“Older brother, but you know? Like us, Secritia also uses flowers for funerals… I hope the flowers for me would fly away as red stars.”

 

“Older brother, no. I just said it. Nothing happened. It’s because of the jewels inside the kaleidoscope. I thought that because it seemed like stars were inside. Nothing happened. No. He didn’t come. Yes. Really nothing happened at all. I really just said it.”

 

“Older brother…”

 

* * * (Back to Present) * * *

 

His head dropped, submerged in the flooding memories.

 

A different fishy smell came through the briny salt scent.

 

“Stop…”

 

Plants reproached him.

 

Plants exhaled the breath he could no longer hold. He breathed.

 

“Don’t suddenly… do that because of one thing I said.”

 

The white hand that clung desperately trembled finely.

 

A new wound inevitably formed on the long scar carved into his palm. Blood spread on the snow-white collar gripped tightly.

 

“Older brother, how can I know if you don’t tell me? How can I understand… How can I understand when you don’t speak? You should have explained… You should have given an explanation of what you did to the old Kalian!”

 

Because he was the former Kalian, he could not forgive, yet because he was Bern, who had not been able to save a single person and could not ask anyone for forgiveness. Because in the end he could not only reproach the older brother who would ultimately not be forgiven.

 

“Why do you have to resemble me? Why does older brother have to resemble me? Why on earth do you resemble me so much?”

 

In the end, because he came to understand.

 

Because this was who Kalian was now. Because in the end he had no choice but to understand.

 

“Older brother…”

 

He became greedy.

 

The transparent emotions piled layer upon layer on the tops of his feet submerged in the sea, which he could no longer hide, fell one by one. They dripped into the water full of the same salty smell.

 

The waves quietly rolled in and quietly receded.